Monday, October 8, 2007

Product

Do you ever buy those peanut butter kisses in the orange and black wrappers that are found this time of the year? I usually pick up a bag every year. My children liked them, but for a unconventional reason. The kids diligently saved all orange and black wrappers, taking them from the trash if necessary. They took those waxen wrapping papers and made Product.

In the early years of making Product they chewed up the wrappers and then laid them out flat to dry. After receiving several consumer complaints, the Product was washed after the chewing but prior to the drying. Eventually, when modern standards were adopted, they actually washed the Product with soap and then rinsed it. Later on the operation expanded and they began to fully utilize mass production techniques. They were limited only by the amount of raw material available. When the production of Product reached its peak, the entire workforce was continuously chewing wrappers. While one half was washing the wrappers with soap, the other half was rinsing them. Product was set out to dry where ever they could find available room.

This continued for several seasons; they were determined to persevere despite the distinct lack of demand for Product.

In the later years of the project, an R&D branch was formed. Amongst the many goals of this branch was the search for a more plentiful source of raw materials. Salt water taffy wrappers were an option, but they often tore when removing the taffy and they were difficult to clean. The properties of everything from post-it-notes to paper towels to legal tablets to toilet paper were carefully studied, but nothing but the original orange and black waxed paper wrappers could meet the exacting criteria of the R&D research branch.

In the final years the production of Product lessened dramatically. R&D began to veer off their original course and focused all their efforts on discovering the optimal combination of shape and materials in an attempt to dominate the black market demand for spitwads and spitwad shooters. This marked the end of their production of Product.

Today one can still find remnants of this era when Product dominated a market.

Every year, when I buy a bag of peanut butter kisses I can't help but ask Wonder Boy and Just Me if there has been a resurgence in the demand for the raw materials to make Product.

Edited to add:

I need to clarify exactly what is "Product". I should have more succinctly explained that Product, in fact, was the chewed and flattened (later washed) black or orange wrappers from peanut butter kisses. We had stacks of finished Product sitting around. To this day if any of us refers to Product we all immediately picture those chewed washed black and orange wrappers. It is too bad there was never a market for it. There was never a market for the pre-made spit wads either.

2 comments:

just me said...

Wow.

Your children must be freaks.

Lori said...

It has come to my attention that I need to clarify exactly what is "Product". When I wrote, "They took those waxen wrapping papers and made Product." I should have more succinctly explained that Product, in fact, was the chewed and flattened (later washed) black or orange wrappers from peanut butter kisses.

My kids were freaks.