Why Won't You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner
eBook review copy; 208 pages
Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by
Harriet Lerner is very highly recommended, accessible discourse on
apologies. This is a practical guide that anyone can understand and
benefit from. The information and examples are presented with wit and
intelligence. Why Won't You Apologize? would be a great addition to anyone's self-help library.
Through stories and examples Dr. Lerner explores the healing power of a
good apology, how important apologies are, how to craft a meaningful
apology and avoid bad apologies, non-apologies, or those that make the
hurt worse, and the importance of our response to an apology. Both the
non-apologizer and the over-apologizer are discussed. The needs of the
injured party are addressed as well as setting limits for tolerating
unkindness when listening to another person. Dr. Lerner shares twelve
points to keep in mind when we’re on the receiving end of criticism and
looks at healthy vs. unhealthy anger. Dr. Lerner also candidly explains
why the people who do the worst things are the least able to
own up to what they have done. In a startling, first-time-for-me
revelation, she helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too
easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only
path to peace of mind.
"This book will teach you how to craft a deeply meaningful apology, and
decode apologies that are blame-reversing, ambiguous, and downright
mean. Going beyond the “how-to’s” of the good apology, we’ll be looking
at compelling stories that illustrate how much the simple apology
matters and why we so often muck it up. We’ll also be looking at heroic
apologies that can open the door to forgiveness and healing in even the
most difficult circumstances.
As the title Why Won’t You Apologize? suggests, the chapters ahead are
also for the hurt or angry person who has received a weaselly or
insincere apology - or none at all. When we’ve been insulted or injured by
someone who just doesn’t get it, we can learn the steps necessary to
change the tone of the conversation and get through."
Harriet Lerner, PhD is a respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology
of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at
the Menninger Clinic for several decades. A distinguished lecturer,
consultant, and psychotherapist, she is the author of numerous scholarly
articles and popular books.
My advanced reading copy was courtesy