Sunday, January 8, 2017

Why Won't You Apologize?

Why Won't You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner
Touchstone: 1/10/17
eBook review copy; 208 pages
ISBN-13: 9781501129599

Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner is very highly recommended, accessible discourse on apologies. This is a practical guide that anyone can understand and benefit from. The information and examples are presented with wit and intelligence. Why Won't You Apologize? would be a great addition to anyone's self-help library.

Through stories and examples Dr. Lerner explores the healing power of a good apology, how important apologies are, how to craft a meaningful apology and avoid bad apologies, non-apologies, or those that make the hurt worse, and the importance of our response to an apology. Both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer are discussed. The needs of the injured party are addressed as well as setting limits for tolerating unkindness when listening to another person. Dr. Lerner shares twelve points to keep in mind when we’re on the receiving end of criticism and looks at healthy vs. unhealthy anger. Dr. Lerner also candidly explains why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up to what they have done. In a startling, first-time-for-me revelation, she helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind.

"This book will teach you how to craft a deeply meaningful apology, and decode apologies that are blame-reversing, ambiguous, and downright mean. Going beyond the “how-to’s” of the good apology, we’ll be looking at compelling stories that illustrate how much the simple apology matters and why we so often muck it up. We’ll also be looking at heroic apologies that can open the door to forgiveness and healing in even the most difficult circumstances.
As the title Why Won’t You Apologize? suggests, the chapters ahead are also for the hurt or angry person who has received a weaselly or insincere apology - or none at all. When we’ve been insulted or injured by someone who just doesn’t get it, we can learn the steps necessary to change the tone of the conversation and get through."

Harriet Lerner, PhD is a respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for several decades. A distinguished lecturer, consultant, and psychotherapist, she is the author of numerous scholarly articles and popular books.


Disclosure: My advanced reading copy was courtesy of Simon&Schuster.

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