Tuesday, September 2, 2008

soap box

“I don’t think you have time to waste on someone who does not respond to you with kindness and respect. You don’t want to spend your time around people who make you hold your breath."
~ Anne Lamott

This is going to be a funny sort of post. Rarely, if ever, have I stood on my soap box and taken a stand on this blog. Normally my readers know what to expect, book reviews and a few extras. Something happened to me that I was going to let slide, and already have done so to a great extent, but then I decided that where I could make my (mild) stand would be here, on my blog. I have already told a cherished group of online friends about this.

As my friends know, my personal life is in a state of total transition right now. New state, no permanent home yet, kids both suddenly in college. I've been struggling with feelings of depression and trying to find my place in this new order of things. One thing I was pleased about was that I could participate in some new online book groups and challenges, which I have enjoyed very much.... until just recently.

Picture this: here I am, rolling along, trying my best to find something positive, which can be a struggle at times since I'm a pessimist at heart, and I'm really feeling like things are ok, maybe even good, I'm finding my new normal. Then someone comes along and bursts that bubble all to pieces and then spits on me. And over what, you might ask.

It started out innocently enough. I noticed that often on various book groups people will send out their lists of books read for the month. I LOVE these simple monthly lists of books and authors and ratings, so I decided to also do this and mention that the dates in my list refer to when I reviewed the books on my blog. Apparently these lists which refer people to a blog review annoyed someone in one group, a book-a-week group.... like REALLY ANNOYED them... enough that they needed to send email to the group about how much they dislike this practice. Now the angry, scolding email was sent after other's also sent in a list with a reference to go to their blog, but still it was obviously directed at a very small number of us list makers. Then a couple other's chimed in, "Oh, I hate that too.... but I do like to see the lists, only....." I didn't respond but just left the group. I sort of liked that group too - before several members decided to get all hinky.

The good news, as far as I'm concerned is that I am at book number 110 for the year now, so I have completed the challenge and don't need to be on the group any more. Since this is the second time in a reasonable short time that a book group has caused me a headache, I may leave most of them... or maybe go no mail for awhile. They can be interesting, but maybe not worth the headaches. I always managed to find interesting books before I joined book groups and could likely survive without them.
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Anonymous said...

I only have this to say, after 7 years of real friendship with you: it's their loss. TOTALLY their loss.

Now-go rip a bodice or two and feel better ;)

Literary Feline said...

Hi, Lori. I belong to that group too and although it's been a while since I last posted to the group, I listed my monthly reads just as you did. No one said anything then. I did think the post to the group came across sounding harsh. I doubt the writer intended it to be--it was more of a personal upset on her part than an attack on anyone. Still, I do understand how you feel. It made me feel bad too and wonder if I was in the right place. :-S

I do hope things settle down for you soon. 110 is great! I'm not even up to 50 yet, but I'll get there soon. :-)

Lori L said...

I sincerely thank both of you for your comments. What the original email made very clear to me is that I wasn't in the right place, especially when other's chimed in with the "I agree" chorus. I needed to remove my list-loving self from that group.

Do you really think a bodice ripper will help? Hmmm... I'd go out and look for one but I have no car until tonight, LOL!

Jane said...

I agree with Dana,
it is TOTALLY their loss!

I sure liked your Elenor quote.

Jane said...

Me? A spelling error? I can't believe it...

I did not mean to spell Eleanor wrong! LOL....

samantha.1020 said...

I am way behind in my emails from my book groups so I feel kinda out of the loop with this. That being said I love those lists...they add to my TBR like no other and anyone who takes the time to write one out I appreciate. Just MHO!

Lori L said...

I LOVE those lists too. If a book interests me and the reviewer has rated it high enough, I WILL go to their blogs to read their review. And, boy oh boy, do they add to my TBR list too!