Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Exponential Apocalypse

Exponential Apocalypse by Eirik Gumeny
Jersey Devil Press, 2009
Trade Paperback, 200 pages
ISBN-13: 9780578030968

Exponential Apocalypse, by Eirik Gumeny, is the tender, heart-stirring tale of crappy jobs, a slacker cult, an alcoholic Aztec god, reconstituted world leaders, werewolves, robots, and the shenanigans of multiple persons living after the twentieth-aught end of the world. It's funny as hell and, according to the author's mother, incredibly profane. Despite these potty-mouth tendencies, it is still one of the most hilarious things ever written.

My Thoughts:

Quirky really does describe Exponential Apocalypse by Eirik Gumeny. In this short novel, several (odd) stories end up merging in the end. Exponential Apocalypse features such characters as: Thor; Quetzalcoatl; genetic clones of Queen Victoria, Chester A. Arthur, and William H. Taft; zombies and an undead cow; cyborgs; a boss with x-ray eyes; the internet powered by ghosts; a cross-bred werewolf/atomic mutant; and Timmy, the super squirrel - to name a few.

It is not a book that requires deep contemplation. In fact, I could fairly say that it lacks depth as well as character development. It consists mostly of dialogue. The book begins with Thor, the god of thunder, who is working at a Secaucus, N.J. Holiday Inn, taking a call from a guest requesting more pillows. At this point, you would think it would be one hot mess and not recommended, but Gumeny actually does a good job handling the dialogue (as well as all the insanity). Each character has a distinct voice.

This is one of those books that I hate to admit I enjoyed. (It could be that Timmy pushed it up a notch.) There is the potty-mouth language, bathroom humor,and... I'm not sure it has one redeeming quality beyond the fact that I was laughing for the entire book. Exponential Apocalypse is pure, hilarious entertainment and a very quick and easy read. Highly Recommended


There had been twenty-two apocalypses to date. There were now four distinct variations of humanity roaming the earth - six, if you counted the undead. It had been suggested that there really should have been a new word to describe "the end of everything forever," but most people had stopped noticing, much less caring, after the tally hit double digits. Not to mention the failure of "forever" in living up to its potential. The last apocalypse wasn't even considered a cataclysm by most major governments. It was just a Thursday. pg. 7

Thor was still pretty ticked that God of Thunder didn't carry more weight on a resume. pg. 7

"I'd like a medium coffee please," said a fairly intimidating Queen Victoria XXX.
"We don't have medium," said a fairly intimidated girl behind the counter.
"How can you not have a medium?"
"We have short, tall, grande, venti, and collegiate."
"Well, give me the one in the middle."
"Which one, ma'am?"
"Whatever it was you said, the one that means medium."
"Short, tall, grande, venti, or collegiate?"
"You're really going to make me say it?" pg. 34

Will and Quetzalcoatl pulled up in front of a run-down bookstore in the middle of a bombed-out section of an abandoned town in a once-quarantined country in the middle of a state that was disowned by the government and handed over to hobos in the hope that they'd either stop being hobos or die.
Neither one had happened....
Instead, hippies, philosophers, English majors, and all manner of unemployable or otherwise destitute types flocked to the Hobo state. Some came to liberate themselves from the shackles of authoritarianism, others to peddle various illicit wares. Some simply adhered to more bohemian ideals. A few had gotten lost. None of them paid rent. pg. 51

Chester A. Arthur XVII stopped just long enough to grab Victoria by the elbow and say, "The Dunkin Donuts guy is giving away free donuts!" before running off again.
"Alright," said Catrina, "maybe you can think about him like a brother."
Queen Victoria XXX laughed and said, "Well, it's gotta be the same with you and Thor, right?"
"Thor's more... Thor's something else."
Thor came running out of his room in only a towel, shampoo still in his hair, chanting, "Donuts! Donuts! Donuts!"
"Like a cousin who used to eat paint chips," she clarified. pg. 136

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