To the large extended family sitting near us last night:
It was obvious that we were all out on the town celebrating last night at one of the local casino's all you can eat lobster buffets. Our families were both, separately, enjoying the food and each other's company, as it should be, until my family decided to show their true natures.
Honestly, I like to think we are, to some extent, a cultured family. That we are all very well mannered and, perhaps, just a sliver above average. After last night I do realize that this may be delusional on my part. Everything was going along beautifully - if we forget the rush around town looking for some place to celebrate that did not have a long wait before you would be seated. We'll also overlook my families repeatedly circling the desert bar like great whites on the hunt. Yes, if we all overlook those two incidents, and if those were the only remarkable occurrences, I could have been left with my happy little fantasies about how well mannered my family is in public. Alas, it was not to be and my little world came crashing down around me.
I am horrified to say that it was my beautiful daughter who did the first great belch. I know, you all stopped talking, turned, and looked at me, thinking it must be the old lady with the funny short hair who lost control, but I'm telling you that it was my lovely daughter. The look of abject horror on my face, as she was laughing hysterically, was real. Yes, I agree, she should have been the one with the look of horror on her face after such a great a noise sprang forth from her. There is no explanation why she was laughing.
It could have ended there, but, alas, it did not. The second great belch issued forth from my son. There is no comprehendible excuse why everyone in my family, except me, was laughing like a pack of hyenas over this second belch. My son swears it surprised him and there was no way he could have prevented it. After that I do realize all the young members in your group were watching my family closely. I am so sorry we may have scarred your impressionable young children for life. I saw the look of relief cross many of your faces when we left.
There is no conceivable rationale for the last occurrence except, perhaps, that the moist towelettes provided were not enough moisture for my daughter. It could have been due to how rare rain really can be in our area of the country, so the hard rain last night was an oddity. It could also be that I am making excuses so I do not need to face the reality that my daughter bent over and wildly swished her hands in the stream of water coming out of the rain gutter. Yes, we do have indoor plumbing. No we have never had a need to wash our hands in water from a rain gutter before. Yes, I did see her raise her hands triumphantly out of the water and I did hear her say, "There!" as if no other explanation was necessary.
For all of this, I am truly sorry.